It hardly seems possible that the beautiful woman before me is the same girl who helped me line up my cabbage patch dolls one by one on the couch and who would help me piece back together my Barbie dolls after I had pulled off their limbs.  I can still picture you, Jessica, in your all black outfit you wore day after day and me in my XXL hypercolor shirt and slap bracelets.  I have great memories of the things we’ve been through together—sharing a room for 8 years, playing Timber! On our beds until the middle of the night, beautiful hair fashions our mother blessed us with—mullets, perms, side ponytails.  You were the one I followed around as a toddler, and the one I hung around as I got older.  You were the one I attended my first concert with—the New Kids on the Block—who, you will recall, you named your pet rats after.  They had a tragic ending, though.  No matter how different we were, we always shared our thoughts and opinions and dreams with each other.  I still treasure our deep conversations about politics, religion, school, our family, and whatever else comes up.  It doesn’t seem that long ago that you and I would sit and talk about our dreams, every now and then asking each other when we thought we’d get married, and to whom?  And yet, here we are, on the day that at one point seemed so distant, so vague, so far off. 

People often comment that the dreams of youth are extravagant and unrealistic.  The ideals of a child appear too simple, too immature, to last them through adulthood.  But in a few moments, when you exchange vows, you will articulate a dream, a hope, a commitment, that could really not be more extravagant.  Frederich Buechner, one of my favorite authors, agrees.  He writes about the meaning of the vows that every bride and groom promise to each other on their wedding day, and what you two are promising in front of us in this particular moment.  You say you will cherish each other and be faithful to each other always.  You say you will love, comfort, and honor each other until the end of your days.  You will do these things not just when you feel like it, but even—for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health—even when you don’t feel like it at all.  You could hardly come up with anything more extravagant.  When you say these things, you give away your freedom to live life on your own.  You take on each other’s burdens.  You bind your lives together in ways that are more painful to unbind emotionally, humanly, than they are to unbind legally.  The question is, what do you get in return?

Aaron, you’ll inherit loads of books that were read in less than an hour, making you question why you bought them in the first place.  You’ll probably get a messier kitchen and every now and then you’ll get the chance to go on a treasure hunt for keys or driver’s licenses.  You’re getting someone who loves to dance, even if she’s the only one dancing. 

Aaron, you are also getting a life filled with interesting conversations, someone with an insightful outlook on life, a person who is both curious and knowledgeable about much.  Every morning, you’ll wake up next to the smartest person I know.  Every night, you’ll go to bed besides one of the most unique and adventurous people, someone who will ensure your life never becomes dull or ordinary. 

Jessica, in return for your devotion you’ll get someone who likes to repeat himself and his points, to make sure he’s heard correctly.  You’ll get someone who bites his nails when he’s nervous.  Someone who will sacrifice his intelligence by saying HARRO instead of hello.

You’re also getting someone who mirrors your intellectual curiosity, someone who will challenge you in more ways than one to stretch you and grow you.  You’re getting a partner who is sensitive and expressive.  You’re getting someone who loves you deeply, as he wrote to me in an email right after he proposed.  “I love her dearly, and I do want to be with her.  I know that if I make a promise to someone, I will keep it.  Brooke, I don't know if you have heard or not, but I have asked Jessica to marry me.  I love her, I want to be with her and I want to grow old with her.  It is heartfelt.  I love her more than anything.”   

So what do you get in return?  You get each other in return.  You get someone who can remind you of who you are.  With any success at all in keeping your rash, idealistic promises, you’ll never have to face the world quite alone again.  There will always be the other to talk to, to listen to.  There is someone to get through the night with, to wake into the new day beside. 

You both still have your lives apart as well as a life together.  You both still you’re your separate ways to find.  But a marriage made in heaven is one where a man and a woman become more together than the chances are either of them could ever have managed to become alone.

In Aaron’s email to me, he wrote: “I am 100% serious in my promise to her, and to you all.  I just need the chance to keep it.”  You now both have the chance to keep your vows to one another.  Every one here has the chance to renew their commitment to support and nurture you in your love.  May you both come to know the deep joy that stems from kept promises and endured commitment.  May you learn to be bread to the other’s hungry, love to the other’s needy, hope to the other’s desolate, now and forever. 

Warren Buffet is the second richest man in the world. He has a lot of honor, not only from his wealth but from his success in business as well. If anyone should be accustomed to receiving special privileges, it’s him. And yet, he realizes how all of his wealth and status and attention is relative. He even thinks those with more money should pay more and argues for increased taxes in his income bracket. He admits that not many other billionaires share his view. “They have this idea that it’s their money and they deserve to keep every penny of it. What they don’t factor in is all the public investment that lets us live the way we do. Take me as an example. I happen to have a talent for allocating capital. But my ability to use that talent is completely dependent on the society I was born into. If I’d been born into a tribe of hunters, this talent of mine would be pretty worthless. I can’t run very fast. I’m not particularly strong. I’d probably end up as some wild animal’s dinner. But I was lucky enough to be born in a time and place where society values my talent, and gave me a good education to develop that talent, and set up the laws and financial system to let me do what I love doing—and make a lot of money doing it. The least I can do is help pay for all that.” For some reason, he’s not caught up in the discussion of how much he deserves and how hard he’s worked to get to where he is. He sees his wealth as relative to other people, and the work and energy of others to get him where he is. He’s only as good as others make him out to be.

Honor works the same way in Jesus’ world—if you have societal honor, it’s relative to other people. You can only be honorable if there are people around you who think so, who say so, who recognize it, who help you get to that place. It’s not something that is permanent—it’s fluid, and it changes. This is what Jesus is getting at when he tells them at a banquet that sometimes you are the one who is in the seat of honor and sometimes you’re not. Jesus reveals a way of life that ensures that all of God’s people receive the honor they deserve—no one has a monopoly on it.

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Regarding the book released on Mother Theresa’s doubts and struggles throughout her life:

In a lot of the responses [to this book], people were speaking of faith and doubt in polarized or conflicting ways. As if you could have one or the other, but not both. If you had doubt, you were lacking in faith. Or if you had faith, then you would therefore be immune to doubt. And this simply is not true. And we need not look any further than Job or Mother Theresa to see how two very faithful people had extreme doubt, and for good reason. But if we were to look further, we would see how a great many religious thinkers expressed doubt and questioning in their relationship with God. Augustine, Wesley, Jeremiah felt oppressed and deceived by God, Jesus on the cross cried out “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Doubt is not the opposite of faith, claims Paul Tillich, it is an element of faith. “Doubt is the beginning, not the end, of wisdom,” according to George Iles. What if we were to say that regarding our faith? Doubt is the beginning, not the end, of faith?

The real tragedy, if you ask me, with Mother Theresa’s writing is that she wasn’t afraid to express her dark thoughts and emotions to God, it was the church’s reaction that she was afraid of. The most devastating news in all of this is that she felt she had to hide these thoughts from the world. There is nothing noble or admirable in suffering in silence. It is not something to strive for. If you are ever in the place where you are suffering and facing depression, or anxiety, or severe doubts, I encourage you to reach out and share those struggles with someone you trust, because this life is not meant to be lived alone. The church needs to be the first place that is safe for all people to express themselves, and to express themselves in complete honesty and authenticity. Which means that we need to encourage, we need to welcome and be open to critical thinking, uncertainties, fears. From the pulpit, from the pew, in our music, in our words, in our thoughts.

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From my first wedding!

Pablo Neruda, a poet from Chile, once wrote these beautiful words about the nature of love, a love that comes naturally.
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straight forwardly, without complexities or pride, so I love you because I know no other way.”

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Alvin Toffler is an American writer and futurist, which means that he studies and reflects on how today’s changes become tomorrow’s reality. Futuristic studies try to analyze sources and patterns and causes of change and stability in order to make estimates about the future and map out alternative futures. Way back in the 20th century, he said that “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” To be open to God’s path means that not only must we learn, we must unlearn and relearn as well.

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First sermon on giving money/stewardship to the church:

The other day I came across this story in a book I was reading. The author’s grandfather was an Orthodox Jewish rabbi. In the Jewish tradition, there are some people who study what is called the Mishneh Torah, which is one code of Jewish law. It is most prominent among Orthodox Jews. In the Mishneh Torah there is a section that describes eight different levels of charity or ways of giving to others. She recalled how her grandfather explained it her. At the most basic level, a person would begrudgingly buy a coat for a shivering person on the street who has asked for help, does it in the presence of witnesses, and asks to be thanked. The levels of giving progress, depending on if you wait to be asked, if you do it in front of others or alone, if you buy a coat or give your own, if you know who you give to, etc. At the top level of giving, you would give openheartedly without knowing who will receive it and the one who receives it does not know who gave it.

After he went through these eight stages with her, she told him that she would only give the right way, the best way, by giving at the top level. He chuckled, and said to her, “well, suppose we all only gave the way the first person did, begrudgingly offering a coat we have bought in front of others to someone who has a need and who asks for help. If we all did this, would there be more or less suffering in the world than there is now?” She responded cautiously, “less suffering?” “Ah yes” he said to her, “this is true. Some things have so much goodness in them that they are worth doing any way that you can.” Giving is sometimes something that you learn as you go. She learned from her grandfather that to bless life badly was better than not blessing it at all. No matter what stage you’re at in your giving, take the next step. It is something that you learn as you go, but you’ll never reach your full capacity of generosity if you don’t keep taking that next step.

You have been blessed, and blessed abundantly at that. But that’s not the end of the story. God has blessed you so that you might go out and bless others abundantly. May you do so, even if it means that sometimes you bless poorly. Bless others anyway. Giving from what you have been given has so much goodness in it that it is worth doing any way you can. For we are a community that gathers not only to seek God, but to share God. Share God by blessing others wherever and whenever you can.

This is something that has been bothering me for awhile now, starting with the advertisement I got at work for a "Christian cruise" filled with "Christian women, Christian music, Christian comedy."  I quickly looked at the ad and then threw it in the garbage, all the while wondering why it is we need to specify if everything around us is Christian or non Christian.  What does Christian comedy really look like?  I laugh at things constantly, but are they Christian jokes or Christian sarcasm, or not?  And what is the opposite of Christian comedy, Christian music?  Heathen comedy?  Devil music?  Surely Bill O'Reilly has a strong argument for this, but it seems to be contrary to what the Christian faith teaches, at least to me, by labeling and classifying and making certain things better than others or more pure or more holy or more worthwhile simply because they are "Christian." 

This concern of mine was highlighted even more so on my recent trip to Chicago, where I spent three days at Willow Creek (a mega church that seats 8-10,000 in its worship space, has its own bookstore, own food court, etc) in a conference on small groups.  Throughout the conference, things were referred to as either Christian or non-Christian.  People, of course, in addition to schools, music, attitudes, books, movies, and I don't know what else.  We were able to see the Kite Runner for free (I couldn't go), but in introducing the movie, they specified that it wasn't a Christian movie, but still good.  Which begs the question, are there people who won't see if because it's not Christian?  Are there people who thought it wouldn't be good if it wasn't specifically a Christian movie?  And worse of all, do people really need to know if it is a 'Christian' movie before they go to see it?  Think about your favorite movies....are you able to categorize them as Christian or non-Christian?  Crash....Christian.   In America....Christian.  Wedding Crashers...not Christian.  Brokeback Mountain.....hmmmmm..... 

I was at a meeting recently when someone was telling a story about a time they were a little rude and curt with someone.  They said it wasn't their best "Christian moment."  Are Christians not allowed to be rude?  And does that take away from their Christian-ness?  Are people who aren't Christians expected to be rude?  Hardly.  So why do we insist on labeling everything in our world as such?  Is it really necessary to divide the world we live in in terms of Christian and non-Christian?  Can't we just live in the world as we are?  And can we please, PLEASE stop attributing all good qualities as Christian and bad ones as non-Christian?  I'm not sure what to do about it all, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. 

Okay, so I admit that this blog has gotten off to a slow start, but I'll see what I can do about being better.  Believe me when I tell you that I started to post something many times, but then got sidetracked and didn't.  But here are some bits and pieces of my life and thoughts the past month or so:

A conversation with a congregant:
Me: "This may seem like a strange question coming from your pastor...."
Person: laughing, "okay....."
Me: "Where's the nearest liquor store?"
Person: laughing harder, "You're right.  That is a weird question.  It's just down the street right by Cub foods."
Me: "Great, thank you."

First big mistake as pastor: sleeping through the on call phone call when someone was dying.  (Thank God for other pastors that DO wake up when they're called!)

Mistake I keep on making over and over: mispronouncing various names and words.  Turns out Rosemount is pronounced "rose-mawnt" by 50% of the people and "rose-mont" by the other 50%.  I looked it up online at the Minnesota pronunciation guide and I'm going with the first one, where you do pronounce the 'ou' sound.  But I did have a couple people try to coach me on how to say it, only they gave me conflicting ideas. 

I also spilled my water glass right before worship started a couple weeks ago when I was already upfront all over the floor.  That was funny.  Then I committed my trademark mistake (mispronouncing names) twice in the prayer.  And they still like me!  Really, though, overall, it's been a fabulous start!  I love my coworkers, I love the congregation, and they have been very nice and supportive.

The weirdest thing, though, is getting used to the idea that I am actually a pastor.  It  took me a week to stop saying "I'm going to be a pastor at..." to "I AM a pastor at..."  It's also strange how quickly people see me as their pastor, without even me knowing them.  I went to visit a woman at the hospital and it was her first time meeting me.  She was so glad to see me and felt really comforted by my coming.  And she didn't even know me!  That was a strange feeling--I guess that's when you realize that you're really representing something bigger than yourself, for better or for worse.  

I ran into someone whose son I ran with in high school.  He asked me what I was up to, and I told him that I was a pastor.  He was, needless to say, a little surprised.  Then he asked me a question that I'm sure wasn't meant to be, but it was a little insulting.  "But didn't you get good grades in high school?  Weren't you, like, an honor student or something?  Wait, where did you go to school again?"  And so I answered him, and did my best to impress upon him that smart people can be pastors too.  It was a funny reaction, I guess.   

Other big news is that I moved into my new house!  I painted the master bedroom what I thought would be a sublte blueish green color, but it's actually quite bright.  BLUE SEAFOAM.  It's nice, but it is bright.  Next step is getting Scout.....

Most of you have probably heard about the bridge by now.  It's been really big news here for the past week, and very sad.  One of the people who was missing was from Rosemount, and his five kids are friends with some of the kids in our congregation, so that will be really sad.  Now they're on the news telling people to buy seatbelt cutters and teaching us how to escape a sinking car.  They keep interviewing everyone and anyone who has been over the bridge, went over it that day, or was involved in the least bit with it.  It is very tragic, but I'm not always sure the news does the best job at helping people cope with tragedy or trauma.   I do have to say, though, that Minnesota did handle it very well and quickly and appropriately.  Makes me glad to be back, though I do miss all of you folks from far away.  

Alright, got to go get ready for a premarital session.  That's another strange thing about this job..........